The Cool Motorcyclist Guide

What motivates people to ride a motorcycle? The answer, as one would expect, varies.  The Nobodies want to look at one of the more interesting and shallow reasons; it is the cool thing to do.

There are many ways to approach the cool factor.

1.A COOL BIKE   Just buy a cool bike. It is a simple way to be a cool biker; if you have the money or are willing to go into debt.

2. MOTORCYCLE HAIR  Don't get a hair cut and ride without a helmet. Motorcycle hair is considered very cool.

3. CLASSY CLOTHES  If you are someone who just likes nice clothes and has good taste. Just buy
    an outfit that you like.

4. CLASSLESS CLOTHES  If you have poor taste and enjoy setting trends that others will not        follow, just create "your" look and you have your own cool.

5. LOOK ADVENTUROUS  Side bags, tent, sleeping bag etc on your bike says: " hey I wander the
    world".  Only cool people dare to wander.

6. RIDE WITHOUT A SHIRT  Ok, there are two qualifiers with this one. If you are a man you need to be buff. A guy with flab and a belly is not cool. If you are a woman don't ride shirtless as you will eventually get in trouble or cause lots of accidents.

7. OWN A CLASSIC BIKE All you need is the cash to be cool. If you happen to be good attractive you instantly become super cool.

8. WEAR A COOL HELMET  It's an easy cool, as they are not too expensive and there are a lot to choose from.

9. GET AN OLD LEATHER JACKET, AN OLD MOTORCYCLE HAT AND SMOKE.  This guarantees a smokin hot cool.

10. WEAR LEATHER PANTS AND HIGH HEELS  Nothing says cool like leather pants and high heels. If you are a guy skip the high heels and go with a distinct motorcycle boot.

11. BE GOLDEN YEARS COOL  Good news you can become cool even if you are 60 +.  Get a nice bike and a leather jacket. If your partner is willing to join in....you're double cool.

12. RIDE FAST AND FREE Granted this requires skill and nerve. It also comes with a higher possibility of getting hurt or killed. How much are you willing to risk?

13. WILD PROPS  Only cool people will dawn wild masks, bandanas, or perhaps a skeleton passenger. Crazy Cool

14. DO TRICKS This is another cool that requires skills and lots of practice. But nothing says I'm cool more than doing a wheeling after leaving a stop signal.

 15. LOOK LIKE A RACER  This is not a cheap way to look cool. The bike and gear are very expensive, but get this stuff and just stand around in a parking lot.....you will be noticed. Caution: don't ride away when people are still watching, unless you can also ride racer like.

ASK KICKSTAND

Ask Kickstand is an email advice column dedicated to motorcycle questions. These questions can be technical; regrading mechanical issues, safety related, philosophical, spiritual or relationship issues. 

Dear Kickstand,

I have a problem that is causing me not only embarrassment, but problems in social settings. About three months ago I noticed that I was drooling. It usually is on the right side of my mouth at the corners of my lips. At first it was quite minor, but in the last month it is noticeable to anyone who is near me. My wife keeps wiping off my face with a tissue or she sticks a vacuum by the side of my mouth.  My coworkers either chuckle, wag their heads or hand me a tissue. I had one friend suggest that I wear a portable suction machine to stop the dripping off my chin. 

Could this be motorcycle related, as I don't wear a full face helmet. Can being exposed to a steady 60 mile an hour wind be the cause. Please help!

Sincerely, 

Sammy Slobber 

Dear Slobber,

I am so happy you wrote to me. Your problem sounds like Cycle Slobber. This is a medical condition that usually is caused by prolonged exposure to a steady air flow of 40 or more miles per hour. This condition takes years to manifest and correcting the problem also takes years of physical therapy. This of course can be very costly, if your insurance provider does not cover physical therapy. But I have some very good news for you. There is an inexpensive alternative. Rather than prolonged therapy you can also play a kazoo for 20 minutes every day. This treatment will produce noticeable results within three months and a complete cure is likely in about two years. Playing the kazoo strengthens the lip muscles and the muscles around the mouth. Incidentally there are 6 lip muscles and 11 muscles around the mouth. Kazoo playing strengthens all the muscles and also allows you to drool out the end of the instrument. 

I am sure you are concerned about the social issues that will persist during the treatment years. First as I mentioned you will notice a slight decline within 3 months and as the months go by your drooling will diminish. There are several ways to deal with your dripping face. 1. Wear absorbent make up. There is a product call Desert Face which absorbs an amazing amount of water. Another upside is you can actually improve your appearance. It will take you some time to learn how to apply it, but with a cosmetologist's help you can get a good jump start. 2. You can grow a nice full beard or purchase a very attractive beard in which you can hide a Drool Drip Catcher. They can be purchased at any medical equipment supply store.  3. You can hire a good disability lawyer and possibly be deemed 100 percent disabled. Since you will not need to work anymore, you could travel the country on your motorcycle and make a little extra cash playing the kazoo on street corners. Just remember to wear a full face helmet from now on.   

EXTREEM MOTORCYCLE TRIP

There are numerous motorcycle tours in the USA that could easily be described as extreme, but in my opinion the Northwest Angle ride is one of the most unique. Consider this; what would it be like to be traveling in one of the states (USA) and to reach the furthest point north in that particular state one would need to go into Canada then return to the state! That is how it works for the Northwest Angle of Minnesota.


Early in October I took a 1,000 mile bike camping trip that included traveling to the Northwest Angle of Minnesota. Leaving Duluth, I took a variety of secondary roads to Roseau Mn. After leaving Roseau, which is on the northern border it is only a 16 mile drive to reach the Canadian Border. That is when the unusual ride begins. Entering Ontario the Canadian Border  Officer asks, "what is your destination?" I reply the Northwest Angle. I am then instructed that when I reenter the USA I am required to check in at a remote border station at Jim's Corner. Fifty miles later, including 24 on isolated gravel roads Jim's corner comes into view. I am now back in Minnesota and am required to check in with the Us Border Patrol Officer at a remote border site. There is a small building the size of a shed (8'X8') with a metal box on the outside containing a phone with two buttons and a video screen. One button is labeled US the other Canada. Pushing the US button I get a customs agent and also see my image on the video screen. After answering several questions, I have officially reported back into the USA. On the way out the next day, I follow the same procedure but contact the Canadian agent.

The Northwest Angle is unique with a small population mainly composed of Resort owners and other such tourist services (as far as I could tell). While camping a Young's Bay Resort, I met several people who spend time in the area fishing. Rainey Lake is a very large body of water which offers excellent Walleye fishing. It is also the lake that prohibits one to drive to the Northwest Angle, as it cuts off this part of the USA from the rest of the state of Minnesota. A person can launch near Roseau and boat to the Angle without entering Canadian waters. Since Honda Motorcycle Corporation has not produced a motorcycle that converts to a boat, there is only one option available for the adventuring biker.

As far as I could tell, there are not any spectacular vistas or roads in the Angle. I did not explore any more that to ride to the shores of Rainy Lake at Young's Bay. My sense is that the unusual aspect to such a trip is crossing the borders via remote posts and I expect there may be  many unique people in the area with intriguing stories.

There are some great roads to travel to reach Roseau from my home in Duluth. I made the trip up to the Northwest Angle a 394 mile ride due to wandering a bit rather than a direct route. Heading home was a two day process as I headed east across Minnesota on State Hwy 11 which follows the northern border along the bank of the Rainey River. I spent my second night camping along the ever popular State Hwy 1, which is well known to bikers. I finished my trip with an excursion up State Hwy 61 along the shore of Lake Superior to Grand Marais, before heading back to Duluth.

If you ever want to take an unusual bike adventure, I recommend the Northwest Angle of Minnesota. The only detail you need to know;  you are required to have a passport to cross into Canada.

HIKERS FOR BIKERS

Addictions are a serious problem for many people. Back in the day only a few types of addictions were recognized, while now the list is expansive. An addiction to biking has become recognized as a serious problem in the past five years.  "There are people who struggle with keeping off their bike rather than keeping on the wagon", explained Arthur Argoneknot, an expert in moving addictions. He went on to explain that since we Americans are so driven to achieve and accumulate possessions we are prime candidates for activity addictions. "Many Americans cannot sit still, they need to keep moving and since many of us are prone to sedentary lifestyles we look for motorized means to meet our needs", Argoneknot elaborated.  It is estimated that 5,000 bikers in America suffer from this debilitating addiction. "They cannot hold a job or relate to anyone unless it is connected with riding", Argoneknot further explained, "Their entire identity is associated with accumulating miles and seeing what is around the next corner". Traditional therapy only works for a small number of people with motorcycle additions, because they usually ride their cycle to their session many simply end up riding past their destination and leave town for weeks at a time. Recently an unlikely group of people have offered a very effective alternative to traditional therapeutic interventions. Hikers have come to the rescue of bikers!    

Lony Luelanely president of The National Society Of Hikers was intrigued by this biking addiction. "When a psychiatrist friend of mine told me about Cyclesomatosia I was more than fascinated", Lony explained. " The need for continuous motion and the desire to see what was around the next corner sounded very familiar to me. It did not take me long to realize that also described  why I enjoy hiking."  He continued,"As I talked to my hiking friends we realized we could offer a healthy alternative to biking away one's life with all its physical consequences; back pain, hypertension, poor hand circulation, peg  toe, obesity, bug teeth, yellow linedisease to just name a few." Hiking has so many benefits and allows a great deal of social interaction while participating. Lony is a member of the Superior Hiking Trail Association in northern Minnesota. They started small by offering short day hikes to bikers and in a matter of three years their project Hikers For Bikers has grown into a 22 state program that is recognized by the NAAPA (National Association Of Academic Psychiatry Administration).  "We are thrilled by the results we have seen through this innovative intervention, explained Dr Van Drutten President on NAAPA, and we believe as studies are completed other countries will embrace this program."

Road Hog one of the recent participants in a Hikers For Bikers weekend trip said," In a matter of a few hours I fell in love with hiking and also fell in love with one of the other participants." I sold my bike, bought a backpack and all kinds of camping gear and got married!"

Dirty Dog another biker sold on Hiking Therapy said, " I have found hiking to be a healthy alternative to biking. I am now able to keep a job and have lost 90 pounds. The only thing I really miss is going fast around corners. The best replacement has been running very fast down steep trails."

Of course there are some participants who are not able to transfer their love of biking into hiking. "We are not the magic cure-all,explained Lony, but we have help many people get on the road to recovery"

BIKING IS A STATE OF MIND

Sometimes science is helpful to simple people too. Recently while reading the Journal Of Neurochemistry, I came across an article that referenced the brain activity of people while riding a motorcycle.  In a nutshell the brain chemistry of a biker is very unique, there are very few activities that stimulate the brain in such a unique way. 

Charlie Parker on a 1939 Harley Davidson Flathead

It has been well known by bikers for over a century that biking does wonders for the brain. It stimulates portions of the brain that are related to creativity, criminal activity and random acts of kindness. Yes, quite a strange collection of behaviors, but not all that surprising to me. You know the Wright Brothers did a lot of biking before they created and built the first air plane. Charlie Parker rode  thousands of miles on motorcycles before he turned his attention to the alto saxophone. Butch Cassidy and Billy The Kid.....you guessed it loved motorcycling .Leo Buscaglia (The Hug Doctor) and Mother Teresa both were avid motorcyclists. Now there is no guarantee that biking will bring you fame and fortune, but it certainly will change your brain chemistry for the better.....unless you have the recessive gene xl22 like Butch Cassidy and all the other infamous criminals that have paraded through history; then your riding will get you locked up for a long time.

Change your state of mind with a good long bike ride; who knows maybe because of it you will make the world a better place.  

One Reason I Like Riding In Crappy Weather

Most people associate motorcycle riding with warm, sunny weather. When there is a blue sky, gentle breeze and no chance of rain, one sees bikers out on the road enjoying the great day. I'll be out there too, but I look different than the majority of the other riders. 

I'll have all my protective gear on and to many I will look like a nut case! There will be riders wearing flip flops, t-shirts and shorts. Others will be dressed a little more appropriately for that possible flesh meets road experience, but the general dress code is dictated by " dress light and let the wind blow and sun shine on me"! I know people who will wear a helmet most of the time, except when it is a hot,sunny day. Just too uncomfortable to be cooped up in a helmet. Evidently they can schedule rides which guarantee no crashes. So in nice weather I really stick-out, not because of the usual reasons of social awkwardness and unkempt hair, but due to my dressing for the possible crash.  


For this reason, I enjoy riding in inclement weather. People just see a guy who is adventurous. Honestly it really doesn't matter what others think, but there is something nice about not being an odd ball once in awhile. I really do like riding in the rain and chilly weather is just fine for me too.

Your Bike Is Ready.......Is Your Body?

The motorcycle season is here in Northern Minnesota.  Many bikers have prepared their bikes for the season, but very few have considered making sure their body is ready. Being in shape is certainly important, but The Nobodies are more interested in the superficial. Beloved President of the Nobodies, Kickstand got some new tattoos,colored his hair and beard. " I feel like I'm 40 again"!, Kickstand exclaimed to a Cycle World reporter. An article appeared in their May issue. The issue focuses on bike and body maintenance. Kickstand is featured as a biker who does everything wrong.  

When asked if being ridiculed by Cycle World  bothered him,,Kickstand  replied " I just march to a motor with a different rpm." Granted the Nobodies are certainly nonconformists. For instance the average weight of motorcycle club members in the nation is 221 pounds, while the average weight of a Nobody member is 122  pounds. The average cc's in the nation is 1,200 while in the Nobodies it is 400. Most motorcycle clubs average 40 speeding tickets per year, while the Nobodies get 16 citations yearly for going too slow, consequently blocking  traffic flow. Clubs usually consume 1,400 gallons of beer yearly, while the Nobodies consume 1 gallon of beer and 400 gallons of ice tea.

ASK KICKSTAND

Ask Kickstand is an email advice column dedicated to motorcycle questions. These questions can be technical; regrading mechanical issues, safety related, philosophical, spiritual or relationship issues. 

Disclaimer: Kickstand is not a psychiatrist, a professional mechanic, Motorcycle Safety Trainer, pastor or a social worker. If a reader chooses to follow Kickstand's advice it is with the understanding that neither Kickstand nor the Nobody Motorcycle Club will be held liable.

Dear Kickstand,

I have a problem that seems impossible to resolve. I have contacted therapists, social workers, pastors, psychics, college professors, life coaches and international motivational speakers. No one is remotely interested in helping me. I have been clear that I do not lack money and would reward anyone who could help me. Yet I seldom get a response and often have had people hang up on me or excuse themselves from our initial conference and not return. I hope your will be willing to assist me.

About 10 years ago, I was inline skating several times a week. One day as I was putting on my skates, I  mindlessly started spinning the wheels on one of the skates then the thought came into my mind that "those little wheels could fall off". I went for my skate, but was some what fearful about having an accident. I started every skate after that by spinning the wheels on one of my skates and thinking about how my life depended on those little wheels. Within a month I stopped inline skating and put the skates out of sight, as they caused me to feel anxious. Several months later as I was grocery shopping with my then 3 year old child, one of the wheels on the shopping cart was wobbling side to side causing a racket and making the cart shutter. I had a sudden fear that the cart could flip over hurting my child. I switched carts and continued shopping. Over the course of the next several weeks, I would inspect a shopping cart before placing my child in the seat and eventually I even felt uncomfortable with a cart the rolled smoothly choosing to have my child walk by my side. In a matter of weeks I discontinued using shopping carts and carried a shopping basket instead. This was inconvenient as I could not buy a weeks worth of groceries, but I continued the practice. To make a long story short this mistrust of wheels over the past 10 years has progressed to the point of not even driving a car! My husband of course was at first mildly amused, but as the years have passed and the fear has spread to other wheels he is very concerned. Then the unthinkable occurred; last week I was afraid to ride my motorcycle. I have ridden a motorcycle for over 30 years. It is a big part of my life and really a big part of my personal identity. I cannot imagine never riding again. Please help me!


Sincerely,
Wheelie Scared


Dear Wheelie Scared,

First let me assure you that I can help you. In a matter of a few days you will not only be riding your cycle again, but all your wheel fears will be gone. You see it is all in semantics. Do you have wheel fears or real fears? I believe the answer is neither. I believe you have reel fears. You have been watching too much lousy American Television! The combination of numbing advertisements and mindless shows of psycho killers, horrendous car and personal accidents along with reality shows that are far removed from reality and the redeeming qualities of humanity.  Stop watching television and starting using your wheels again!
  

Motorcycle Maintenance Do It Yourself

Doing maintenance on your bike can save you money and be enjoyable too. Some regular maintenance doesn't require advanced skills or knowledge. Youtube is a great resource for step by step instruction.  I recommend starting with changing oil and oil filter on your bike. The investment in tools is minimal. All you need is an open end wrench (specific size for your drain plug) to remove the drain plug, a oil filter wrench, a container to drain the used oil into and a funnel to add the new oil. You may want to purchase a service manual for your bike, especially if you want to try additional maintenance projects. Other possible beginner maintenance would be checking air pressure in your tires. Make sure you purchase a good tire gauge and if you want  an inexpensive air compressor will allow you to do this at your home. Lubricating cables, cleaning brake rotors and brake shoes are other simple tasks. If your cycle has a chain drive, cleaning, lubricating and tightening your chain are also beginner projects. Tightening your chain would require you to purchase a torque wrench to assure you tighten the rear axle to required specifications.

I think the next project could be replacing your tires. This would require purchasing about $200 in tools. You would need specific socket wrenches, torque wrench, valve stem remover, tire irons, rim protectors, bead breaker and wheel balancing stand. In my area it costs $50 per tire to have this done at a bike shop, so you will recoup your investment very quickly. There are good Youtube videos that you can watch to help you decide, if you want to tackle this project. I have been doing my own tires for 8 years and although it is a bit of work and wrestling with getting tires on and off I enjoy it. Below are a few pictures to give you some idea of the process. I forgot to take a picture of my balancing axle I use, which I purchased a Aerostitch of Duluth. Other maintenance projects that I do are brake pad replacement, valve adjustment, cable replacement, battery care and cooling system care.    

New Tire ready to ride

Ready to  install

Rear wheel off, center stand or jack required to remove the wheel

Removing old well worn tire

Using tire irons and rim protectors to remove old tire

Bead breaker

THE DEFLATING WINTER MONTHS

Winter is a season I enjoy. I like snow and many of the winter sports, but as a motorcyclist the winter months take a toll on my body. Many people gain weight in the northern states during the winter. 

Inactivity and additional eating due to boredom are contributing factors, but many avid motorcyclists actually loose weight during the winter months. The Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota recently published their study on  Motorcyclist's Winter Weight Loss. The study showed that 60% of their test group of avid motorcyclists lost between 6 - 25% of their total body weight. The average weight loss was 11%! It appears that there are subtle changes in the motorcyclists brain chemistry which affect the appetite and the metabolism. The riders craved raw vegetables and plain yogurt and lost interest in fatty foods, unhealthy snacks and red meat. "This combined with an increase in their metabolic rate caused substantial weight loss," explained Dr. Toldyaso. This unusual medical malady is being called The Flat Tire Syndrome, since the majority of the test subjects had rather large "spare tires" at the beginning of the study. "For many people this weight loss is a  benefit, but for people who are average or below average in their weight range this syndrome can become a serious medical issue," explained Dr. Toldyaso . "It appears some who may have more serious cases of the syndrome could lose substantially more weight and this could present a health risk."        

I was wasting away and didn't know it 

This study was eye opening for me, as my wife would often tell me I seem to waste away during the winter months. I usually responded with a smile and a witty comment like " I just feel like being a bunny  rabbit in the winter!" Yesterday she was empathetic that I put on my motorcycle ride wear and lay on the floor so she could take a photo. I was shocked. Well either I need to move to a warmer climate or start riding my cycle all winter.

    

WAITING FOR SPRING

In the northern states, winter can be very hard on bikers. There are only so many bike repairs and upgrades one can do, then it is just a matter of sitting in a rocking chair an waiting for the snow to melt. I have found a few other activities that help pass the time and prepare me for another biking season.

1.  Get a few more tattoos

2.  Grow a beard

3.  Get another piercing

4.  Go on line and find another used sleeveless shirt on E bay

5.  Get some cosmetic surgery.... fight off the grandpa look

6.  Go out in the woods, wrestle down a wolf and pull out one of its teeth

7.  Make a wolf tooth necklace

8.  Watch Motorcycle Jeopardy

9. Learn how to knit

10.  Go to Florida and rent a bike for a week


Well, I've done all of the above and there is still snow on the ground in Northern Minnesota. I'm about ready to go nuts.