Saturday, October 17, 2015

THAT DARK TROUBLING DAY

It is ever present on my mind. Living in Northern Minnesota, one knows that very soon the riding season will come to an end. It may be very abrupt with a early snow storm in October or it may be a gradual process with heavy frost in the morning causing the avid biker to wait till mid-morning to ride.





The beautiful Autumn days can lull a biker into a state of mind that dismisses the inevitable approaching winter. The color soaked trees and the unseasonably warm days in the 60's are some of the best riding days of the year.  


Since I am a safety nut who dresses for an accident, temperate weather suites me just fine. On a unseasonably warm day in the summer when bikers are in T- shirts and I have all my Aerostitch gear on and a full face helmet, I'm  quite sure people think "that guy is crazy!" So now that the morning temps are in the 30's, as I ride into town being geared up doesn't look that strange.

This coming week the morning temperatures will be in the low 30's and that introduces the possibility of the roadways having patches of frost especially on freeway overpasses. Riding in the late fall does require discretion and some critical thinking. Sadly I come up short in both areas, so hopefully my wife will intervene when necessary and talk some sense into me.

This year I think I am primed for riding late into the season. I'm not ready to say the season is over, so I expect that I will have some very cold rides and possibly a few on dicey roads. But I doubt I will break my all time record set in 2010 when I rode to work on November 16 in 3 inches of snow. But one never knows.....I am capable of doing stupid things and I really love riding motorcycles!

Saturday, October 10, 2015

ASK KICKSTAND



Ask Kickstand is an email advice column dedicated to motorcycle questions. These questions can be technical; regrading mechanical issues, safety related, philosophical, spiritual or relationship issues. 

Disclaimer: Kickstand is not a psychiatrist, a professional mechanic, Motorcycle Safety Trainer, pastor or a social worker. If a reader chooses to follow Kickstand's advice it is with the understanding that neither Kickstand nor the Nobody Motorcycle Club will be held liable.
Dear Kickstand,

I am a middle aged man who is content with my life. I have a good marriage, reasonable job and grown-up children who are doing well. My friends and family see me as a steady dependable person, which I am, but I have a problem. For many years I have been reading motorcycle magazines on the sly. No one, including my wife, has any idea that I have a passion for motorcycles. It really has not caused any problems in my life, until  several months ago. I took my passion to a new level by going to a motorcycle dealership in another town. It was fantastic! My intent was to just stop by and see the real thing. I ended up spending two hours looking at bikes and talking to a sales person. I surprised myself by how much knowledge I had retained from the years of motorcycle reading. I also impressed the sales person. It all seemed so harmless, but the flood gates opened up; I have been going to the dealership weekly,I have taken a the Motorcycle Safety Course and got my licence! Yesterday morning I woke up in my car. I was parked in my driveway and had evidently had a late night at the motorcycle dealership. Thankfully it was Saturday so I wasn't going to be late for work, but I found a key for a motorcycle in my pocket and a purchase agreement. That is when I remembered a little more about  my wild Friday night. I had bought a 2015 Triumph Trophy SE! No regrets about the purchase, but the problem is explaining it to my wife. I have a week until I need to pick up the bike, Financially the purchase is not a problem, so my wife will not be stressed about that. I just don't know how to tell her. I need your help!

Sincerely,

Secret Cycle Lover


Dear Secret Cycle Lover,

First off congratulations on your purchase and your exciting secret life. You have a problem for sure, but the good new is that you have many different options to consider.

1. Hide the bike in the garage for a week then move it into the open. When your wife sees it, simply tell her you have had the bike for a long time and didn't realize  she didn't know about it.

2. Rent a garage near by and never tell her.

3. Hide the bike in the garage and over a period of a month start getting interested in motorcycling. Have your wife go with you to a motorcycle dealership and soften her up to the idea of purchasing a bike.

4. Take some ignition parts out of your cars so they suddenly stop running one Saturday morning and then come to the rescue with The Motorcycle. By the time your have figured out the car problems your wife is crazy about the motorcycle!

5. Grow a beard, let your hair get long and unkempt, and tell your wife you are hanging out at some wild motorcycle bar. Talk about how you think you missed the boat living such a conventional life and that  it is time for you to get a chopper and live on the wild side. She will get concerned and attempt to persuade you to get some professional help. Now you simply need to come to your senses and find a reasonable outlet for this midlife crisis ..... buy a motorcycle and do some touring!

6. Tell her the truth, but in my opinion that is too simple and lack creativity.


Let me know how things go Mr. Lover and I will share it with the hundreds of Nobodies in our club and with the tens of thousands of the blog subscribers.  

Friday, October 2, 2015

RIDING IN A FOG




Our culture generally discourages us from being in a mental state which is unaware of our surroundings. If coworkers and friends describe you as being in a fog, you will  take that as negative feedback. I personally have found such a mental state relaxing and beneficial. I am not talking about a drug induced fog, which I have no interest in, but a fog due to limited interest in the sensory input to the brain. I happen to  be gifted in this area and have an uncanny ability to go there with little effort.

There are times when being in a fog would be ill-advise such as; when using power tools, sharp instruments and shingling a roof (just to name a few). But in my opinion,  the majority of one's waking hours are good times for such a state of mind. Granted my earthly resume may not carry a lot weight for most practical people. I have never been able to hold a job for more that a week. I have been hospitalized on numerous occasions from injuries due to inattentiveness and I am well know to the Duluth police department for holding the record for motor vehicle tickets for moving violations.

That being said, I live a stress free life the majority of the time. Well to be more precise; I live a stress free life while in a fog. It isn't fun when I come out of it and have to deal with all the problems that have mounted up.

If such a life style is appealing to, I have an easy way for you to initiate you new inattentive adventure. Regretfully it is weather dependent. The next foggy day take a ride on your motorcycle. It is best if visibility is less than 100 feet. Don't leave your house with a plan, just start riding. Focus on the fog; it's density, movement, the different layers and varying shades. If you catch yourself drifting off to a mindless state that is a good and bad thing. It is good because  for a moment you allowed yourself to be in a fog, but it is bad because you realized what was happening and regrettably allowed yourself to become self aware again. Don't be discouraged if you continue to catch yourself drifting off. If the fog holds long enough you will eventually spend some time in a mindless state. It may mean that you get very lost or perhaps you crash your motorcycle.

Over time, with much discipline, you will eventually master the art of being in a fog. The process is slow and it may take many foggy day rides to hone your skills. If you don't live in an area that offers numerous foggy days, you may want to consider moving. Duluth is a good choice and it also offers the additional benefit of having a large number of mindless people per capita.        

Saturday, September 26, 2015

THE MAKING OF A NOBODY PART II

Very seldom is a motorcycle club willing to disclose any information about the process of becoming a member, but this reporter was given access to such secrets and actually was allowed to participate in each step of the prospecting and initiation. The only stipulation was that all the information shared with the media would be altered enough to be deemed useless.


I was able to follow the process with Banana. Banana was a strapping 63 year old retired executive, who wanted to fade out of the public eye after spending many years in a high profile position. " I was introduced to the Nobodies through a porter at a Hotel I often used when in New York City",explained Banana. "That is when the dream of living in anonymity took seed".  When I first met Banana he was certainly a man of distinction; he was 6' 4"tall, trim and well dressed; his appearance spoke of a person of importance, who upon entering a room would always draw attention. When he was finally given full Nobody privileges after 14 months, he was a nondescript 5' 6" person, who would often be ignored by waitresses and sales people. Observing the transformation was painful for me. Banana was slowly and methodically deconstructed through psychological and physical ordeals. In one exercise he was ignored for a week; deprived of eye contact, food (other than the scraps he was able to find on the floor), clean air, unobstructed vision, clean clothing, hand soap, napkins, dental floss  and lip balm. Towards the end of his prospecting, when the club members decided to call him banana, he was placed in a curved box which was 5' 6" high for 24 hours.

Today Banana is truly a Nobody. " I am free to live!", exclaimed Banana. He has found a new niche in the world where the joy of living and being overlooked coexist.

Ruddy Turnstone
Motorcycle Gazette  

Friday, September 11, 2015

ARE YOU A BIKER OR A MOTORCYCLE RIDER?


People have often asked me if there is a difference between a biker and a motorcycle rider. I have shied away from this topic, because it is very controversial. In many riding circles, it is a topic that is to be avoided, as many riders believe the distinction is significant. Let me give you a little  background. In the early years of  motorcycling there really were no motorcycles! There were motorbikes......bicycles with motors strapped on them. The folks that were riding these contraptions often built them and took pride in their innovations. Getting around on these bikes was a real adventure that involved riding skills:the roads were rough with many challenges and the bikes did not have suspension systems and their frames were often flimsy. These pioneer riders also needed mechanical skills, as their bikes broke down several times a day and great creativity because of limited resources. This group of people were called bikers. There was a camaraderie in this group, which was fueled by their great riding stories and their road adventures together. They also experienced a certain degree of prejudiced from the "normal folk" who saw their devotion to motorbikes rather childish and unproductive. As motorbikes evolved into motorcycles, the skill set to successfully ride and maintain these two wheel vehicles remained complex and demanding. The passion for riding motorcycles continued to attract adventurous people, who were often willing to set aside convention and pursue  the world of biking. Very early on these folks were called bikers. 

As time passed, motorcycles became more reliable, but the attraction was still to a sub-group of adventurous, fun loving people. They were bikers! Leather clad road warriors willing to get around using an unconventional mode of transportation. It was not a sport but rather a lifestyle.  Present day there are clubs, various riding associations interest groups etc., but in many ways the lone biker is still the compelling image. Yes, I believe there is a difference between bikers and motorcycle riders; the question is: how does one  choose to define the distinction? Does one approach it from a historical perspective?, behavioral perspective?, or by affiliation? So the controversy is fueled by one's perspective, needless to say (so why did I say it?). My solution is to offer two different checklists. You choose the one you believe is valid.


ARE YOU A BIKER
(Historical Perspective)

___  I like gravel roads
___  I like riding in stormy weather
___  I do all my bike maintenance
___  I like to try to fix my bike before getting professional help
___ Getting lost and wandering is enjoyable
___  I try to ride every day
___ Give me a sleeping bag and a peanut butter sandwich, I'm good for a week
___  My motorcycle is my main means of transportation
___  I don't need a fancy bike with a lot of chrome.
___  Biking is great fun

If 7 or more of these statements describe you: congratulations you are a biker!

ARE YOU A BIKER
(Current Perspective)

___  I have a beard
___  I have tattoos
___  I ride without a helmet
___  Harleys are all I ride
___  Loud pipes are a necessity
___  Rain gear is for wimps
___  A leather jacket or vest and chaps are the only real ride-wear
___  Chrome and a custom paint job is preferred
___  No motorcycle shop for me, I fix it or my buddy will
___  I belong to a motorcycle club

If 7 or more of these statements describe you; congratulations you are a biker!


The  differing view points will continue and as new invitations in motorcycle are developed such as: electric cycles (which are in production now) hover bikes and even invisible bikes, the waters will be muddier than the present. This entire topic is really trivial and a waste of time; that's why I take it very seriously!   




Thursday, May 14, 2015

THE MAKING OF A NOBODY PART 1

Due to the Nobody Motorcycle Club's complex secrecy policies I am limited in how much I can share with our thousands of blog readers about the process involved in becoming a Nobody. But I have been given permission by our Executive Board to give you a peek into our year long prospect process.  


Nobody member Flash: Our Sturgeon General of Prospect Development 




Motorcycle Challenge Site 




Prospect # 377134509


At the crack of dawn on May 1 of this year Prospect # 377134509 received a  call telling him he needed to meet Kickstand and Flash at the Little Store in Gary New Duluth. He had 1 hour to get ready. The prospect was not give any information other than he would be give his first Nobody challenge. 

Several hundred miles later, in a motorcycle showroom Prospect # 377134509 was told he needed to steal a motorcycle off the floor of the store one part at a time and re-assemble the bike in an  adjacent vacant lot. Our prospect was able to steal 10 parts before getting caught. To his relief he discovered the store owner was in on this challenge.  Our prospect challenge was to teach two important Nobody Lessons.  1. A Nobody never breaks the law, when obeying a leadership direction  
2. It takes a great deal of practice to be insignificant to the extent of  being unnoticed.

Our prospect learned that he has a long way to go before he can call himself a Nobody. He also learned that when going on any rides, he pays for everyone's gas and meals!
     

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

ANNUAL MEETING BRINGS FOCUS ON THE COMING RIDING SEASON

The Nobodies assembled with great anticipation, not only about the coming riding season but about the swirling rumors regarding the many new prospects and the slogan for 2015. No one was disappointed when President Kickstand introduced the potential members and the slogan. The ride calendar also created much buzz as it is creative and ambitious.

Due to our extensive policies regarding prospect anonymity, we cannot reveal the names of any of our potential new members. Let's just say they all embody the needed characteristics of a Nobody; no one notices when they enter a crowded room, they are contributing to society in ways that will never be noticed and they are comfortable being ignored and overlooked.

The ride calendar was approved with a couple of needed corrections.

NOBODY 2015 RIDE CALENDAR

JANUARY

Saturday 24      Ice Cube Olympics


FEBRUARY

Saturday 21   Perch Lake Ice Races    

MARCH

Friday 20       Spring Ding A Ling Ride
Saturday 28   Annual Meeting

APRIL

Saturday 18     Northshore Vanilla Bean Breakfast Ride

MAY
Saturday  9    Club House Ride
Saturday 16    Sunrise Ride To Nowhere
Tuesday  20    Skyline Time Trial
Saturday 23   Interstate Back Roads Ride
Saturday 30    Northshore Vanilla Bean Breakfast Ride

JUNE

Saturday 6     Short Cut Ride
Saturday 13   Northshore Vanilla Bean Breakfast Ride
Monday   15   International Ride To Work (retired people Work To Ride)
Sunday    21    Blind Lizard Rally (Mpls)
Saturday 27    Babbit Pete Mitchell Days Bike Show
Tuesday  30    Wisconsin Wanderings

JULY

Wednesday 1   Canada Day Thunder Bay Ride
Monday      13    Less Gas More Guts Ride
Friday        11            Up North Weekend Camping Trip
Tuesday 21    Bag Lunch Brookston Ride

Saturday 25   Northshore Vanilla Bean Breakfast Ride

AUGUST
Tuesday 4    Where Am I Going Ride
Saturday 8   Northshore Vanilla Bean Breakfast Ride

Monday 10    Ship Shape Ride

SEPTEMBER

Saturday 6      Kensington Rune Stone Ride

Monday 8       Full Moon Ride

Friday 18 -
Sunday 20      Copper Mountain Camping

Saturday 26    Northshore Vanilla Bean Breakfast Ride

OCTOBER

Saturday 10    Halfwit Ride

Saturday 24   Northshore Vanilla Bean Breakfast Ride

NOVEMBER
Saturday 7    I Can’t Feel My Ass Ride
Saturday 28  Frozen Turkey Ride

DECEMBER
Saturday 12  The Christmas Tree Ride 


This year's slogan is Celebrating Ten Years Of Nonexistence. Yes the Nobodies are celebrating their 10th Anniversary. Plans are in the works for a weekend celebration in September which will be open to the general public.

Friday, March 20, 2015

FIRST DAY OF SPRING

It has been a tough winter, especially since my only other hobbies are: smoking, cat herding and crossword puzzles.  


I have March 20th circled on my calendar, as the day to get the cycle out and officially begin the riding season, I will not be riding today.  I just don't like to ride in freezing temperatures anymore. It doesn't have anything to do with being smarter or more in my right mind, but simply speaks of the impracticability of bundling up and enduring the cold seeping into my bones. If you are riding today in some northern region, where winter still has a bit of a hold, congratulations. You are an inspiration to many. I'm going to wait a few more days....or perhaps it will be weeks.