ASK KICKSTAND

Ask Kickstand is an email advice column dedicated to motorcycle questions. These questions can be technical; regrading mechanical issues, safety related, philosophical, spiritual or relationship issues.

Disclaimer: Kickstand is not a psychiatrist, a professional mechanic, Motorcycle Safety Trainer, pastor or a social worker. If a reader chooses to follow Kickstand's advice it is with the understanding that neither Kickstand nor the Nobody Motorcycle Club will be held liable.


Dear Kickstand,

I have been married for 3 years. Last year my husband asked me if it would be OK for him to buy a motorcycle. Since I had not grown-up in a family that rode cycles, I was a little concerned. After some discussion and time to think, I told him it was fine. He is a reasonable and careful person. He ended up buying an older cycle as we agreed. It only cost $1,000 and has turned out to be a good decision. Last summer I took a motorcycle safety course to learn how to ride. I enjoyed it so much that I decided I wanted to also buy a motorcycle. Here is the problem. My husband is very reluctant about me having a cycle. He is concerned for my safety and says "I think it is too dangerous for you to be riding a cycle". We continue to discuss this matter, but with little progress. He realises that he has a double standard as it is Ok for him but not for me. He understands it is not logical and that it is based on emotions and fear. We have a good marriage and this disagreement is not putting stress on our relationship. What is confusing to me is that my husband is very reasonable, rational and flexible. Can you help me understand him better and possibly give me suggestions regarding a different way to approach this issue?

Sincerely, I Wanta Ride


Dear I Wanta Ride,

Your letter does not surprise me at all. This is called the Motor Man Syndrome. Since the invention of the internal combustion engine, man has felt he has the aptitude and ability to handle motorized transportation and that women do not. You are not only dealing with your husband on this issue, but all the generations of motorized mankind. His thoughts are essentially not his own, but those of all who have gone before. Every opinion, argument, supposition and anecdotal example that has every been used to deter women from using motorized vehicles is having it's way over his mind. When you enter into theses cycle discussion with him, you are dealing with the voices of the past. In one sense, he is helpless and very unaware of these influences, but in another sense he knows that some thing is swaying him.

There are two ways for you to approach this problem. One is direct and mature while the other is indirect and sneaky. I would recommend the latter as the direct one would be costly and time consuming. But for your benefit I will outline both for you.

1. Get him into therapy. There are therapist that specialize in this syndrome. Granted they are few and far between, so travel may be necessary. It also takes years and thousands of dollars.
If you go this route, you may be riding your own cycle in 3 - 4 years.

2. Agree with him about the dangers of you riding a motorcycle and start riding a bicycle everywhere. I mean everywhere. To work, the grocery store, errands, shopping, to meet your friends etc. After you do this for a few weeks you may even suggest that your next vacation together should be a bicycle tour. You will need to be totally committed to this plan. It will be time consuming and will require good planning and a fair amount of explaining to your friends and family. You also will need to share the same rational with everyone, as to why you have stopped driving a car and replaced it with bicycle transportation. Your explanation should be something like this: I enjoy being on two wheels. It is challenging and demands a different skill set. I love the smells, the wind and feel more connected with my surroundings. It is economical too! Since you will be spending so much time riding a bicycle you will be hard pressed to get your chores around the house done on time and will also be very limited in the amount of groceries you can carry, consequently meals will need to be simple and rather skimpy. You will also have less time to spend with your husband. You may also consider not showering as much and pay a little less attention to your personal appearance. I am sure after 4 - 6 weeks your husband will suggest that you get a motorcycle, as it will be a more practical way of experiencing the freedom of biking. He may ask you once or twice if you are doing the bicycle thing to make a point about wanting a motorcycle, simply say "no ".

Happy I could help you. Let me know if you run into any problem.

Kickstand