ASK KICKSTAND

Ask Kickstand is an email advice column dedicated to motorcycle questions. These questions can be technical,regarding mechanical issues, safety related, philosophical, spiritual or relationship issues.

Disclaimer: Kickstand is not a psychiatrist, a professional mechanic, motorcycle safety instructor, pastor or social worker. If readers choose to follow Kickstand's advice it is with the understanding that neither Kickstand nor the Nobody Motorcycle Club will be held liable.

Dear Kickstand,

I am a motorcyclists who enjoys riding around town and also taking day and weekend trips. I enjoy the sport for a variety of reasons, but there is one benefit that I have never been able to claim.; that's having the ladies take notice of me and my bike. At first I though it was because I didn't have a very cool bike. I rode an old KZ 440. So two years ago I purchased a 2007 Harley Davidson V Rod. See enclosed picture. http://images04.olx.com/ui/1/15/67/3440867_1.jpg

At first the ladies would smile and occasionally say hi, but I realized as soon as I took off my helmet they would take one more look and walk away. I will be the first to admit that I am not good looking, but I'm not ugly. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Sincerely,

Longing For A Lady

Dear Longing,

Thanks for you heartfelt letter. I am sure I can help you, but I first need to set you straight on a major misconception. Having a Lady is not a cure all for one's life. There are many "empty wells" we can go to seeking fulfillment in life, but none of them can quench our "thirst". In my opinion the only one who can meet our deepest needs is God. So if you want to understand a little more about what I have just shared let me know. That being said, lets tackle your problem in a superficial way. I guarantee you will get immediate results and will experience a short lived time of happiness.

First off good choice for a bike. You are right a V Rod will get the ladies' attention. Now you need to work with that image. Your magic formula is a simple three step process.

1. Get rid of the helmet. The mystery of what you look like gets the ladies attention, but when they see you they are immediately disappointed. Don't allow them to imagine you looking like......... you fill in the blank as I am too old to know.

2. Grow your hair out long enough that on the days you are riding you can make it look wild. If you lack hair shave the head and go for the tough look. You can also buy a good wig.

3. Watch all the beach party movies that Eric Von Zipper is in and start acting like him.

Have fun and let me know how you like your new life.

Sincerely,

Kickstand