The Cool Motorcyclist Guide

What motivates people to ride a motorcycle? The answer, as one would expect, varies.  The Nobodies want to look at one of the more interesting and shallow reasons; it is the cool thing to do.

There are many ways to approach the cool factor.

1.A COOL BIKE   Just buy a cool bike. It is a simple way to be a cool biker; if you have the money or are willing to go into debt.

2. MOTORCYCLE HAIR  Don't get a hair cut and ride without a helmet. Motorcycle hair is considered very cool.

3. CLASSY CLOTHES  If you are someone who just likes nice clothes and has good taste. Just buy
    an outfit that you like.

4. CLASSLESS CLOTHES  If you have poor taste and enjoy setting trends that others will not        follow, just create "your" look and you have your own cool.

5. LOOK ADVENTUROUS  Side bags, tent, sleeping bag etc on your bike says: " hey I wander the
    world".  Only cool people dare to wander.

6. RIDE WITHOUT A SHIRT  Ok, there are two qualifiers with this one. If you are a man you need to be buff. A guy with flab and a belly is not cool. If you are a woman don't ride shirtless as you will eventually get in trouble or cause lots of accidents.

7. OWN A CLASSIC BIKE All you need is the cash to be cool. If you happen to be good attractive you instantly become super cool.

8. WEAR A COOL HELMET  It's an easy cool, as they are not too expensive and there are a lot to choose from.

9. GET AN OLD LEATHER JACKET, AN OLD MOTORCYCLE HAT AND SMOKE.  This guarantees a smokin hot cool.

10. WEAR LEATHER PANTS AND HIGH HEELS  Nothing says cool like leather pants and high heels. If you are a guy skip the high heels and go with a distinct motorcycle boot.

11. BE GOLDEN YEARS COOL  Good news you can become cool even if you are 60 +.  Get a nice bike and a leather jacket. If your partner is willing to join in....you're double cool.

12. RIDE FAST AND FREE Granted this requires skill and nerve. It also comes with a higher possibility of getting hurt or killed. How much are you willing to risk?

13. WILD PROPS  Only cool people will dawn wild masks, bandanas, or perhaps a skeleton passenger. Crazy Cool

14. DO TRICKS This is another cool that requires skills and lots of practice. But nothing says I'm cool more than doing a wheeling after leaving a stop signal.

 15. LOOK LIKE A RACER  This is not a cheap way to look cool. The bike and gear are very expensive, but get this stuff and just stand around in a parking lot.....you will be noticed. Caution: don't ride away when people are still watching, unless you can also ride racer like.

ASK KICKSTAND

Ask Kickstand is an email advice column dedicated to motorcycle questions. These questions can be technical; regrading mechanical issues, safety related, philosophical, spiritual or relationship issues. 

Dear Kickstand,

I have a problem that is causing me not only embarrassment, but problems in social settings. About three months ago I noticed that I was drooling. It usually is on the right side of my mouth at the corners of my lips. At first it was quite minor, but in the last month it is noticeable to anyone who is near me. My wife keeps wiping off my face with a tissue or she sticks a vacuum by the side of my mouth.  My coworkers either chuckle, wag their heads or hand me a tissue. I had one friend suggest that I wear a portable suction machine to stop the dripping off my chin. 

Could this be motorcycle related, as I don't wear a full face helmet. Can being exposed to a steady 60 mile an hour wind be the cause. Please help!

Sincerely, 

Sammy Slobber 

Dear Slobber,

I am so happy you wrote to me. Your problem sounds like Cycle Slobber. This is a medical condition that usually is caused by prolonged exposure to a steady air flow of 40 or more miles per hour. This condition takes years to manifest and correcting the problem also takes years of physical therapy. This of course can be very costly, if your insurance provider does not cover physical therapy. But I have some very good news for you. There is an inexpensive alternative. Rather than prolonged therapy you can also play a kazoo for 20 minutes every day. This treatment will produce noticeable results within three months and a complete cure is likely in about two years. Playing the kazoo strengthens the lip muscles and the muscles around the mouth. Incidentally there are 6 lip muscles and 11 muscles around the mouth. Kazoo playing strengthens all the muscles and also allows you to drool out the end of the instrument. 

I am sure you are concerned about the social issues that will persist during the treatment years. First as I mentioned you will notice a slight decline within 3 months and as the months go by your drooling will diminish. There are several ways to deal with your dripping face. 1. Wear absorbent make up. There is a product call Desert Face which absorbs an amazing amount of water. Another upside is you can actually improve your appearance. It will take you some time to learn how to apply it, but with a cosmetologist's help you can get a good jump start. 2. You can grow a nice full beard or purchase a very attractive beard in which you can hide a Drool Drip Catcher. They can be purchased at any medical equipment supply store.  3. You can hire a good disability lawyer and possibly be deemed 100 percent disabled. Since you will not need to work anymore, you could travel the country on your motorcycle and make a little extra cash playing the kazoo on street corners. Just remember to wear a full face helmet from now on.